Life After Loss

20190413_142607.jpgToday I came across one of the last gifts Shan snuck in my car πŸ’—Β She always left little surprises for me to find πŸ’—

I did not go to the memorial today as I have not been sleeping well for days and feeling sick inside over the event. So many conflicting thoughts and emotions…

I knew from the beginning that Shan would tell me to not to go (no judgment if you did go, this was a personal decision)…this gift randomly showed up while I spent the afternoon in tears… I decided to get up and put an area of my house in order – my messy room aka clothes πŸ˜³Β πŸ‘ πŸ‘šπŸ‘–πŸ‘— … a little cathartic cleaning πŸ˜‰ (My husband will my thrilled … yes, yes, I am the messy one… πŸ˜‚)

I loveΒ you, Shan. There will never be another you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally like a friend, a sister and a mother πŸ’— You left me in good hands…

Thank you my wonderful friends and family who have been there with love and also in allowing me space and understanding without being offended or mad.Β πŸ’—Β I had a close friend (who is no stranger to loss) ask me a few times to “come back” to my “old friends” that love me… I am coming πŸ’ž

Shan and I had a great, content-rich chapter of life together. I was blessed to be there for her in the planning of and in her last hours. I am forever grateful for her unconditional love and for such an independent woman as she was to be willing to lean on me when things became overwhelming. No greater compliment could I ever receive. Shan, you bestowed such an honor upon me by bringing me into your innermost circle in some of the toughest phases of your life. I love you are words that will never be enough. See you later. πŸ’—

 

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