And Next Thing You Know…

Time passes so fast, doesn’t it? Have you ever had an “How old am I?” moment? Awhile ago, I had this moment. Imagine my surprise when I found out (after counting on my fingers and calling mom just to be sure!) that I am a year older than what I thought I was! I felt jipped! hahah Truth is, I completely forgot the events of last year’s birthday because life was just spinning so fast. I literally had to sit down and think back through the months to jog my memory of how we celebrated so I could stop (jokingly) telling my family that they must have knocked me out over my birthday week to avoid having to get me a gift! hahah πŸ™‚Β  I remember when I was about 10 years old and I was making my mom a birthday card; I asked her how old she was going to be and she couldn’t remember.Β  As a child, that was ludicrous to me! How could you not know?!?!

I get it now, mom. I get it. ❀

It happens to most all of us at sometime or another. One minute we’re going along, doing our thing and the next, we realizeΒ  that like a pack mule, we have taken on too much. That’s usually when we forget things like how old we are. πŸ˜‰ For me, that was a reminder to back it up and slow it down. Because I for one would like to remember all of my birthdays. πŸ˜‰

Ever heard of the Oola Guys? Oola basically means living your life in a state of awesomeoness. It was created by two doctors who realized the importance of balance but also realize how ridiculously hard it can be to achieve. I was at a conference where they were speaking a few years ago, and they compared life to the constant spinning of plates. The visual being that each of us has all these different areas of our lives (plates) that we are responsible to keep in motion (spinning) and as more and more plates get added, the more other plates fall, drop, break and stop spinning. Because we can only do so much. That is so hard for many of us to accept, isn’t it? So many of us like to think we can – or feel like we have to – do everything. Always. For everyone. And the fact of the matter is, it is just not possible. What usually ends up happening is we start with spinning a plate on each hand, then each arm, then we try to add a few to our head and surely our knees can “hackey sack” a few, right? It does not take much time in this Twister game position to completely and utterly exhaust our bodies and our plates- all our beautiful plates, begin to break. And suddenly, there we are, frantically trying to save the plates. And sometimes we do save a few. But then our bodies collapse. We are trying to save the plates that are falling and keep the plates that are balanced on us spinning and oh, hello there mental break down, what are you doing here?

Did you read about the people in the news who were waiting in line at a buffet for the crab legs to come out. It took about 10 minutes for them to arrive and by that point, two people were fighting over the crab legs and hitting each other with the tongs. Let me say that again: Hitting each other with the TONGS.

Hello mental break down.

So what do we do? How do we keep ourselves from being the ones that are getting arrested for fighting over crab legs or freaking out over not getting extra ketchup at a takeout? (I can hear you saying, ‘pssh, that will never be me….’ Well, I am sure the crabbies didn’t get up that morning and say to themselves, “I am so overwhelmed- that’s it. I am totally going to hit someone over the head with tongs today.”)

Serenity is multi-faceted, but one important- very important thing is balance. Say it with me while taking a deep breath (yes, you DO have time for that!). BAAAAAALLLLLAAAAAAANNNNNCCCCEEEEEEE. The Oola Guys have broken down areas of balance into 7 categories, which they call the seven F’s. They are:

*Faith * Family * Friends * Finance *Β  Field (career) * Fitness * Fun *Β 

They encourage everyone to write down realistic goals for each of these areas of your life and then work on keeping these seven areas balanced. If one of these areas is stacked with too many things, the other areas are going to be shaking, quaking and before you know it, toppling. (For goal setting help, Google the acronym SMART goals.)

If you feel like your plates are taking on a life of their own and you would like some help sorting through the chaos and getting yourself back to a comfortable place of balance, give me a call or text at (540) 765-7881 to schedule a session. It is time to get you back to a state of awesomeness.

❀

Bobbie-jo Hurt LPC, CSAC

Hurt Counseling Center

photo of woman riding swing in front of waterfalls
Photo by Artem Bali on Pexels.com

 

 

Life’s Best Laid Plans…

I read something today that I kept thinking about with a little smile, so I put it together as a quote (because I was born in the days of notebooks and journals) and then made a meme (because hello, it’s 2018 and that’s what we do!). Basically, I wrote that when life doesn’t go the way you planned, throw your hands up and yell “PLOT TWIST” and then move on, making the most of the next ‘scene.’

wordswag_1544725658279

Is life a movie? Uh, no (but if it was, I’d pick a Hallmark Christmas movie house!). But a lot can be learned from that saying. For me anyway. And maybe for you? When I find myself feeling stressed, it is usually because I don’t want to accept the way things are happening. My control button is shaking and I want things to be the way I want them to be! So something I am always remembering, working on, and (usually! lol!) making progress on is practicing acceptance.

Imagine if you could accept life the way it happened and then you could work with what you have in front of you, or even make more opportunities to enhance what life has put before you… but what if you just… accepted it.wordswag_1509634030284.png

When I was in graduate school, I took a personality and career assessment in our “Career Counseling” course. While all the other students in the counseling room were getting nice, docile, therapist-y results, “You should be a counselor who wears outdated clothes and big, square glasses” … My results, however, stand out in my mind as rather unforgettable because I was the only one who didn’t get something like that.

wordswag_1543910399074

Want to know what mine was? Elvis. Yup, it turns out Elvis and I have the same exact personality style (and the same good looks πŸ˜‰ ). I can’t remember all of the career suggestions because only one had anything to do with therapy. But I remember the first suggestion for my life’s work: To be a Cruise Line Director. (Can you even follow that up with another statement?) The other option I remember- because it actually had something to do with counseling- was to be an art therapist.

The cool thing was that my leadership skills, creativity and entertainment abilities came through strong. So with my Elvis personality, I took in the advice and did what I knew was my fit; I became a therapist- a really awesome, really real, interactive, introspective and fun therapist (and humble too, so humble hahah). You know, I say those things about my counseling but honestly it is not in a “full of myself” kind of way. I just know the depths of where I’ve been in life. And I know how great it is to live your life in ways you sort of maybe dared to dream but never thought possible!

I know that in every situation I went through in life, I always had 3 choices: Give in, give up or give it all you’ve got! I chose to do the hard but beautiful work of healing (because you can live in- and get used to- misery, if you want…) and God used it to equip me to be there for others; to help them find healing, freedom and empowerment too. And because of who I am, Little Ms. Elvis, I am real and fun. And it would be fair to say that I get extra-creative in my sessions as needed πŸ™‚

I love what I do; it is so normal for my clients and I to burstΒ  into laughter in the same session where we share heart-felt tears. I love watching my clients heal, to realize how worthwhile they are, to figure out what to do with all their emotions (which for most people, is one of the scariest words ever!) and to go after what they truly want in life- instead of doing what they think they “have” to do. FREEDOM! I love freedom. And seeing people grow in confidence; their posture changes, their voice tone changes and they are no longer scared to live life. EMPOWERED to live freely without stress, perfectionistic, people-pleasing, “have to”, “need to” and “shoulds” running through their minds. I love seeing relationships being restored back to health. I love it. I care for each and every client that walks through my door and I want the best for them. I can’t make anyone do the work of healing. I can’t make anyone put into action the desire of wanting more for their lives. But I can sit with them in their pain, walk with them through their healing and rejoice with them when they are where they want to be.

Want to know something kind of funny? Most everyone in that class who got the “typical counselor” career results… are not counselors. Turns out it wasn’t for them. Kind of ironic, huh?

And then there’s Elvis over here… who begins teaching natural classes because I found something real and amazing that has helped me and my family heal time and time again. And I want people to know about it. Not fall for gimmicks or lies, but to know the truth. But just like counseling, I can’t make anyone want to invest in themselves to feel better. I can only sit with them in their pain, walk with them through their healing and rejoice with them when they are where they want to be.

Now with this Elvis personality, you would think doing this TV show would have had me shaking my groove thang on national television or maybe hosting this year’s 2019 ball drop or something,Β but alas, my life is quite similar to where it was 2 years ago before I started doing the TV show, except I made a lot of wonderful friends and had a blast doing something I never even considered doing in my life!

I do not have plans to renew my contract but you never know if I pop in here or there just because I miss y’all. πŸ™‚ I gave the Scouts almost 2 years to find me and make me a Super Star. if they’re that slow on their game, I may not want to contract with them anyway πŸ˜‰Β  Maybe I just need some blue suede shoes? Do you think that would help? πŸ™‚

wordswag_1496871688767 (2)

So… why in the world am I talking about all this? Eh, I don’t know. (Just kidding, though I do enjoy a good tangent … ).

I truly enjoy doing DIY. I don’t know if I ever want to do a big, DIY teaching class again. Who knows but right now, I do know that I am not through that place in the grief process of my close friend and DIY partner whom I met when she was an attendee at the very first class that I taught.

I do know that I am up to doing get togethers with a few of us friends making some natural DIY and sharing laughs and fun over coffee.Β  I want cozy and comfortable, where it feels like sitting on your best friend’s couch and shooting the breeze. Casual with some structure (so we can make our stuff lol) πŸ™‚ My next one of these DIY gatherings is going to be January 26th at 11am. If you would like to attend, I would love to have you! Since the classes are smaller, just comment or message me and I will fill it up, first come, first serve. If this one fills before you get in, you will be the first one on the invite list for my next friend Diva dates! lol πŸ™‚

wordswag_1488600691558.png

Oh, did I tell you that tomorrow is my last TV show? Sorry, it’s 1:30am, I’ve been travelling all day and though the family and I had a fabulous week, I feel like I could sleep for … awhile. πŸ™‚ Anyway, watch it, okay? And tell the Scouts that this is their last chance to snag up Little Ms. Elvis because like all good things, I’m going, going, going, gone- and booking up fast for the New Year’s Eve Ball Drop! hahah

Love you guys. I’m not going anywhere, I just don’t feel that I should continue on with the TV show right now. I will still be doing classes, and providing natural support while posting who-knows-what to my page and my cool, new Etsy Shop. I have a new recipe book in there! And the Christmas Gift Making one! And if you all show meΒ  that you love those, I will make you more! Go to http://www.etsy.com and the search bar “BobbiejoDIYDiva”

Oh! And I am opening my new counseling center (FB: Hurt Counseling Center) on Jan. 2ne (so once again to do that Ball drop… they really gotta be on their GAAAAME!) Look me up and please tell friends and family in need. I am doing sliding scale fees only so I hope to help many that may not be able for afford full fee- though it is 100% worth it for a peaceful state of mind, I understand that money… well, it does kind of grow on trees… but … it is still a tight commodity for most of us!!

I specialize in depression, anxiety, depression and relationships. I have worked with most all mental heath and co-occurring disorders though. I work predominately with adults and teens.

Stay in touch!

❀ Bobbie-jo Hurt, The One, The Only, Mason-Dixon DIY Diva, (side by side with my personality twin Elvis… which explains why I would rather go on Live TV in my jammies than fold my laundry… :))20768117_654792388062401_6344075442393846063_n

Life is Short

This is not the post I intended to write. I was going to jump on here and give you some Diva updates. But there is something else that came to me as I began to write and I know I must share this with you. (And you can edit this in your head if you want, my friends, but I do not have time right now to do so and I want to get this information out ASAP πŸ™‚ )

I have had some heavy past few months. As you know from being a part of my life, a very close friend of mine is in her last days of life. She hasn’t even reached the age of 60 but it looks like her time is coming, whether I like it or not. We have spent the past months making big end-of-life decisions together and holding each other’s hands with our heads together sobbing, knowing that when she went off to Texas to an Assisted Living facility near her only family, that everything was our “last” together. The last hug was the hardest. For a short while after her move, she was able to send me a few lines via the internet here and there on how things were going but she was so exhausted that it would drain her. We knew we had to move her soon before she didn’t have it in her to physically ride across the country. It is so hard helplessly seeing the physical break down of her body. Her last message to me was that she finally gave in and allowed Hospice to come (my tough warrior was holding off until the very last minute and has been turning them down for a few months already). I called her the other day and knew it took everything in her to answer. It broke my heart to even smaller pieces, hearing her weak voice and her laughs at my silly life antics. The Evil has gotten into her brain again and she is having difficulty communicating. Her brother has been keeping me updated at this point. The thought is that she will not be seeing next month. Lord, help me. I am shaking and can barely see the screen through my tears.

Then I had another surprise. My niece who is 18 came over the other night, so excited to tell me about her first date. She was showing me the cute messages they were sending back and forth via FB messenger, etc. and we were pondering those fun teenage jitter questions like, “Is this a date?” …”Will he try to hold my hand… or kiss me?!”… “Will he buy the tickets?”… “Will we get our own popcorn or share one?” Her adorable excitement about this cute boy who likes her and thinks she’s awesome was creating those fun butterflies in her stomach that we all remember from days gone by.

This conversation got me to thinking about who I was dating at 18. Back in those days, we communicated by phone (GASP!), e-mail, or by making plans to get online (dial up) at the same time so we could talk on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). πŸ™‚ I still have my very first email address that my dad set up for me when I was 15 and I don’t delete anything from my email, because… what a waste of time πŸ™‚Β  (I know, some of you are cringing right now. Sorry my Type A friends, love ya!).

I pulled up some emails from a boy I went out with when I was her age, and read her a few of our “flutter” messages such as him saying, “I miss you sooooooo much. T-7 hours [until we saw each other again] TTYL hun” … “Hey Shawty, I can’t wait to see you. In school today we ….” etc. etc. I bought a car while we were dating and named it after one of the things he would say to me, that I was “The Shizzle to his Nizzle.” (What does that even mean? LOL. Who cares! In 18 year old world, it was goose bumps!) I named my car Shizzle. Maybe it had something to do with his favorite candy being Skittles? haha who knows πŸ™‚

After my niece went home and my own cute memories of innocence and excitement were flying back to me at rapid pace, I began to wonder what he was up to today. We hadn’t talked or even seen each other since we were 18. So of course I do what we do in today’s world: I typed his name into the FB search bar. The only thing that came up with his description was an obituary someone posted in 2012.Β No way, I thought, that can’t be him. With a sinking feeling in my gut, I opened the page. There was his picture right on top of the obituary. All the information listed matched that boy that I had many fond childhood memories with. We were the same age. But he died at age 25. 25!!! I reached out to some people that were mutual friends of ours (and set us up). I find out from his past best friend what happened as the pit in my stomach grows deeper. He took his own life.

I just sat there crying, with these ridiculous thoughts of wishing I could have done something; wishing I could have “fixed” someone I haven’t seen or talked to in 15 years.Β  As if we can help anyone who doesn’t reach out for it (and I have no idea on those details when it comes to him).

I have felt so blessed these past 10+ years of being in the counseling field, having the opportunity to help people find a way out of the dark by walking beside them in the deep pits of pain and hearing them- really hearing them. And showing them a process of how to get out of the pitch dark woods. My heart bursts every time I see another person in my office find healing, freedom, empowerment, peace in their minds and excitement for life again.

Sometimes I wish life could be more often like a Hallmark movie, you know? Here’s what my 18 year old boyfriend’s story would have looked like if I could rewrite it. We would be walking down the street and randomly run into each other. We would begin catching up and I would be able to pick up on his emotional state and would point him in the direction of help. And of course he would take the help with little resistance because it’s the Hallmark channel. He would find healing in the core of his being and from all the pain inside. He would be truly happy. He would marry a cute “girl next door” type that was sweet and kind. They would start Christmas morning by having an adorable, fluffy puppy with a red bow on, playing excitedly between the happy couple, while they sat in front of the tree, with their hand entwined, a look of love and contentment on their faces. And when we passed each other on the street, we would give each other a wave and a big, genuine smile because we both found true happiness in our lives.

In our Western world 1 out of every 4 people have depression or anxiety (and the other 3 are lying πŸ™‚ ). But we put this stigma on it such as, we just need to be “strong enough….” HOG WASH! We need to have the courage (and it takes a lot to admit we need help!!!) to reach out and get our butts in counseling with a great therapist!

No one would EVER tell a diabetic that depends on insulin for their life survival that if only they were “strong enough” or just “shook it off” they wouldn’t need that medication… BULL HOGIE!!

We don’t tell Cancer patients that if they just tried harder …. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?

Mental illness is just as real as diabetes, cancer, broken bones and autoimmune disorders. And guess what? They are just as catastrophic because we receive the message that “just need to be stronger”… or that getting help is for the weak and getting help for this area of our lives is embarrassing… psssh, we women let doctors stick tools up our vaginas and men let doctors do the “cough and grab” on their gentlemen bits. And don’t even get me started on Colonoscopies… yes, if you can do those things, you can come TALK to someone about what’s going on emotionally.

Mental illness is just as debilitating as physical illness, just in other torturous ways. And the saddest part of all? They can both end in premature death. Pretending we have it all together, you know what that is? A death sentence. Get help. I don’t care if it is for a lump you want to pretend isn’t there of a feeling of hopelessness that you tell yourself is normal. Yeah, right.

My heart reaches out to you in this last statement: Get help. There are hotlines everywhere that can be found with a quick google search on your phone. Just call a random counselor. Or you know what? Just show up at the ER. Or a counseling office. I don’t care. JUST. GET. HELP. And don’t accept NO for an answer. If the person you turn to doesn’t have the expertise to realize what’s going on, don’t minimize what is happening inside. Go to the next professional.

You all know that my office is in Roanoke. I’m real, I’m fun and I’ve been through a lot so I may just be able understand more than you might initially think. I would be honored if you would let me walk with you down this dark road and travel together to happier times. Trust that it can get better. BECAUSE IT CAN.

Here is my office number 1-434-237-2655. It is a Lynchburg number but I am based in downtown Roanoke. And it doesn’t have to me that you see. I just want you to reach out to someone and don’t stop reaching out until you get what the help you need. You’re worth it.

Love and Hugs,

Bobbie-jo Hurt, The Mason-Dixon DIY Diva & Mental Health and Addictions Therapist, who truly, sincerely, cares about you.

1920303_10152238064698972_2016869637_n.jpg