Pity party

Bust Out of The Winter Blues

Categories apothecary, Balance, blah, Career Mom, chocolate, counselor, creativity, dance in the rain, Daytime Blue Ridge, depression, despair, DIY, eeyore, enjoy the journey, Enjoyment, exercise, fall, family, frustration, Future, goals, groceries, help others, herbal medicine, hope, hot mess, hot mess train, hyderation, I need a nap, Jesus, journey, licensed counselor, Life, life choices, life plan, life process, lost, moles, motivation, natural, New york, Passion, Pity party, Positive mental attitude, process, Psychology, psychology today, research, roanoke, S.A.D., sanity, sanity-saver, self-care, stress, summer, tasty, tears, the process is the point, therapist advice, tips for the blues, travel, Uncategorized, uncertainity, wellness coach, when life makes no sense-waltz, winter, winter blues2 Comments on Bust Out of The Winter Blues

Winter is coming, the temperatures are dropping and so is the amount of daylight we receive each day. When I was a kid, my dad would come home from work into our Upstate New York living room, stomping the snow off his boots and taking off his layers of added warmth, and would say, “I feel like a Mole; I leave when its dark and I get home when its dark.” As a child this just produced giggles- thinking of my dad as a Mole 🙂  As an adult, I realize that this is the reality of many people. 😦

There are a lot of studies showing what produces the winter blues and the SAD effect in a percentage of the population. As a psychology-research-counselor person, I really enjoy them. But for the purpose of sharing tips on how to break out of the blues- probably not necessary to get into all of them 🙂 Please be sure to read the bottom of this blog though to discover a bit about the differences between the blues and depression! It could save a life-seriously. One is like having a small cut on your leg that needs some cleaning and a band-aid. The other is like having your limb hanging off and trying to convince yourself that it’s fine. BIG DIFFERENCE.

These tips are for the Blues Only. Here are some ways to shake out of that cabin-fever feeling:

  1. Sunlight! Get out during the brightest part of the day- for AT LEAST 10 minutes with bare skin so you can absorb that amazing Vitamin D! Good mood food!
  2. Exercise. 35 minutes/day for 5 days a week is recommended but just do what you can! If you can walk for 10 minutes at lunch, do it! Walk to the mail box, park farther away at the grocery store or coffee shop, etc. Endorphins come from exercise and those are feeeeel gooooooood chemicals for your brain! More Good Mood Food!
  3. Remember that you’re not really hibernating. This is my hardest one in the winter because it is waaaaaay too easy to cozy up with some tasty snacks and Christmas movies! However, too many simple carbs and too much sugar does not necessarily do a body – or a brain – good. Bummer, I know.  :/
  4. Happy music! This has been shown to uplift your mood and light up some feel good portions of your brain! My current favorite is “Grace Got You” by MercyMe. Check it out and tell me if you can keep your toe from tapping!
  5. Hydration! It is so common to overlook this in the winter because we don’t feel as thirsty. (And cocoa tastes better than water, amIright?!) But we must remember to nourish our body to keep the energy flowing! (And hello… winter dry skin? Water can help that too!)
  6. Plan a trip! Pick a fun destination and get to planning a fun time for you and your family- or just you! Whatever 😉 The point is to have something fun to look forward to! When you finish one, plan your next adventure!
  7. Herbal it up! Get yourself some Happy Teas that have organic ingredients like St. John’s Wort, Lemon Balm, Lemon Myrtle, etc. Make sure they are  the beneficial parts of the plant in there 😉
  8. Essential Oils! Gaaahhhh, such an overused word right now and you know what? It drives me crazy! All these crappy oil companies coming out of these unknown dingy underground tunnels, with greasy long hair and dirty chipped fingernails, putrid breath and holding out a bottle of “oil” from the sewage system and people are actually reaching for it. SMH. I can’t even. Get some good oils that aren’t so dang cheap and shady so they can actually help uplift your mood! Citrus oils, Lavender, and my BFF Frank are always good choices to soothe the soul!
  9. HELP OTHERS! I love this one. Probably because I “get my kicks” from helping others. You know what’s cool though? This is truly the pay-it-forward effect because not only does the giver receive feel good chemicals for doing the kind deed, but the people that witnessed it get a chemical boost too! Good deeds = Good moods 🙂
  10. Don’t be Scrollin’! Say what?! Yeah you heard me. Only get on social media for short, purposeful moments of time. Why? Well here’s the long and short of it- you get on social media, you post something. You know your cats the cutest, so it’s going to be a hit. You get a bunch of “likes” and tons of “hearts”. Woo, feel good chemical rush! Just like Pavlov’s dogs, we go back because we want the rush (the brain treat) again! But when you posted that awesome pic of your new haircut, barely anyone commented or “liked” it. Instant downer. Instead of feel good chemicals, how about feelings of insecurity, anxiety, etc.? Oh and let’s not forget that little comparison game that people like to play on social media. JUST. DON’T. You’re comparing someone’s highlight reel against your lowest moments. Yeah, that’s an idea for the trash can. There is a direct correlation between time on social media and depression. Interesting, isn’t it? … you gotta save yourself and look up and out at the rest of the world . There’s some really cool stuff out there. 🙂

Okay, I could go on but it is almost 1am and I need to go get my butt on tv in the morning so I should probably jump in bed! Say you’ll join me and give me a dopamine rush for the show, would ya? 😉 In all seriousness, knowing that you all like the show is the entire reason why I do it. I mean, it’s hard to stay in hibernation season when you get pulled in front of the camera! LOL!

**Notes on the Winter Blues vs. Depression: You NEED to be sure you are only experiencing the blah’s of weather changes and NOT something more serious, such as Seasonal Affective Disorder or any other type of depression/mental struggle. A big indicator for the blah’s is that you may feel down and a bit lethargic as the weather changes, but it DOES NOT STOP YOU from enjoying life. On the other hand, if you are becoming uninterested in things that you previously enjoyed, are breaking off planned appointments and get-togethers with friends, etc., and are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, despair, frequent periods of crying or anger, deep sadness that won’t go away, increase or decrease of sleep, appetite, etc. than it may be more than the winter doldrums. In these cases, I highly recommend a counselor. There are very high success rates of overcoming and handling feelings of depression by seeing a counselor. If you need a counselor, I have an office in the Roanoke, VA area (you can find my info on psychologytoday.com). If you are out of the area, you can use that same site to find someone nearby that is suited to what you need. Please keep in mind that if you are experiencing feelings of wanting to hurt yourself, someone else, are feeling unable to take care of yourself and/or those you are responsible for, contact 911 right away. Do not pass go, do not collect $100.00. Make the call.

Whether it’s the blues, depression, or any other feelings that just feel overwhelming, please know that it CAN get better. There is help. Just call up a licensed counselor and get in the office for your appointment ASAP.

Make this Fall and Winter the best yet 🙂 Come along with me, the best is yet to be…

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The Signs Are Unclear (to say the least)

Categories airport dreams, anyone else have dreams like this, Balance, budget-friendly, chaos, confusion, control freak, crazy, dance in the rain, Dream, Dream analysis, enjoy the journey, Enjoyment, Existential, family, Freud, frustration, Future, goals, headache, help others, hot mess, hot mess train, husband, I need a nap, journey, let it go, Life, life choices, life plan, life process, lost, love, maybe no sign is the sign, motivation, New york, nowhere to turn, our plan may not be the plan, parent, parents, Pity party, Positive mental attitude, process, running through the airport, sanity, self-care, signs, sleep, stress, the process is the point, travel, travel dreams, trust, trust the journey, two paths diverged in the woods, Uncategorized, uncertainity, unclear life signs, wear a pot on your head, wellness coach, what does God want from me, when life makes no sense, when life makes no sense-waltz, Working MomLeave a Comment on The Signs Are Unclear (to say the least)

I am pretty sure I talked in my sleep last night- and by talked, I mean urgent yelling. I had a dream that I was on my way to the airport. I kept trying to tell Google the address so I could get the directions, as I knew I was drawing closer to my exit but I wasn’t sure which one it was. Every time Google would repeat back to me what I said, “OK, find the airport…” it would be full of fuzzy background noise like a radio station that isn’t tuned and it would give me the address to someplace with a similar name but in the wrong state.

Since GPS was letting me down, I knew I had to figure this one out on my own. I was almost certain that last time I drove to this airport, there was a sign off the interstate indicating which exit to get off for the airport. Well surprise, it wasn’t there anymore. All the signs seemed to be in the wrong places.

I ended up having to turn around in some busy parking lot and backtrack when I figured out that the signs were nowhere to be found. I go up this hill and there it is- finally I find the airport. It is a hot mess. People everywhere, all with somewhere to be. The airlines are in alphabetical order- easy enough, right? Yes, if they were in a straight line. But instead they sort of zig-zagged throughout the parking lot.

I don’t even know which plane I’m on or where I’m going at first but as I’m running through the zig-zagged airline portals, it comes back to me that I am looking for United Airlines and I am heading to Hawaii- no wait, San Francisco. Yes, that’s where I am going. San Francisco. (Though I have no idea why I am going there and I am pretty sure I would prefer Hawaii…) I do know, however, that I have 30 minutes before my flight boards. For some reason my parents are suddenly at my vehicle (well hello there, how did you sneak up on me again? 🙂 )  when I arrive to the airport and as I take off into a run to find the airline, my parents are supposed to be getting things settled with the car and bringing me my luggage.

So there I am at United’s counter, and the lady is trying to sell me this one-way ticket that is way over my price range. I’m racking my brain thinking, didn’t I already buy one- a round-trip one?! Finally she finds my ticket and I am paying to stow my bag. As I am leaving the Kiosk, my father comes up with a smaller version of my purple Liz Claiborne suitcase that could easily be stored on the plane. Thinking that he must have put it all in an easier-to-manage bag for me, I feel filled with good feelings of the cozy sort that someone is taking care of me, and I run back to the counter and tell the lady that I won’t be needing to stow my bag after all. She says no problem and begins typing on her computer to get things switched. I unzip the bag and find all my husband’s dirty clothes and shoes in my bag. Dang it, dad. Didn’t you even look?? It seemed like such an easy task- just bring me my suitcase. Sending my dad back again to the vehicle with those instructions, I head toward my gate.

Remembering I still need my bag as I arrive to the gate and the airline attendant begins boarding call, I run to the escalator and look down to see if my dad is there with my luggage. I  know I can’t go down there or I will have to re-go through TSA and there is no time. I see my dad and I yell to him. He is waving a turquoise cooking pan that looks like a Rachel Ray. Though a nice cooking utensil, it is NOT my suitcase! At this point, the frustration builds to explosive emotions and I begin yelling that the pan is NOT my suitcase and I have to board NOW!

I am pretty sure I yelled this into the real world because my kids are suddenly waking me up in real life and asking me if it is time to get up. My voice fells a little hoarse. I feel exhausted. Tired. My body feels like lead. And I’m irritated.

Getting up, my focus turns to the kids and getting them ready for school, though in the back of my mind, I am feeling pretty dazed and feel like I need to go back to sleep since that entire dream felt like pure stress, extreme pressure and nonstop running.

The signs are all so unclear. The road signs are not in the right places. The Kiosks are in some semblance of order but not really. Everyone around me is doing something but seemingly having trouble getting it right. I am getting through by the skin of my teeth but I don’t have what I need.

In my rational, awake mind, I know I can’t blame anyone for me not having my suitcase or being late to the airport or even the airport’s crazy set-up. It is my life to live and if my father brings me my husband’s dirty work clothing and then a cooking pot as luggage and the airport is set up in cartoon proportions, I should have planned for that… right? I should have just brought my bag with me instead of trying to save time, right? I should have planned for missing signs and crazy airports… right? But… can you ever really plan for some of these things?

But on the other hand of that same statement is the insinuation that you can only trust yourself to get it right and that somehow there is a way to get things “perfect.” And we all know that’s a farce because none of us get it right all the time. And if we think we do, then we are wrong a whole lot more than we realize. Thinking only we can get it right is like having mud all over our face and thinking that we look amazing. The only person we are fooling is ourselves.

What a dream. Missing signs. Stress. Oddness. Unplanned craziness. People who let you down. Letting yourself down. Maybe I made the flight or maybe I didn’t. I don’t think the flight was ever the point. The process was.

Life is unpredictable. Sometimes stressful. Definitely crazy. Sometimes the path we are on makes complete sense and we are filled with such clarity. And sometimes we can’t find any signs, we can’t find the road, everything is zig-zagged, out of place and we don’t feel like we have what we need for the journey ahead of us.

Sometimes the path will be smooth and it will feel like we are gliding- maybe even gracefully waltzing, through life.

Other times we will be at an airport with a pan and no plan. I think it’s fairly easy to see which path I am on right now. 🙂

I suppose I could always find the courage to put that pan on my head (without being mad at those around me for “getting it wrong”) and waltz my way onto the plane, where I will fly into the unknown with grace and humor. It would be way more fun than grumbling and being stressed. And it looks like I’m going for a ride either way…

🙂

Path splits two directions, fork in the road

 

From a Counselor’s Desk: The Secret to Motivating Yourself

Categories apothecary, Career Mom, CBT, counselor, Daytime Blue Ridge, DIY, Dream, Enjoyment, family, Future, goals, herbal medicine, history, husband, kids, Life, love, Mom Life, motivation, motivational interviewing, natural, Passion, Pity party, Positive mental attitude, Psychology, research, roanoke, SAHM, self-care, therapist advice, wellness coach, wife, Working MomLeave a Comment on From a Counselor’s Desk: The Secret to Motivating Yourself

This is how my husband won my heart. He traveled from Virginia (where we met) to Massachusetts where I was running a camp for the summer to see me – a 15+ hour drive. This was in 2008 when the economy was doing a plummet. He paid huge prices at the gas pump, tolls, housing, etc. And since the camp was in the middle of nowhere, he ended up staying at a campground- yes, camping so he could stay near where I was because there were no hotels!!! He had creative dates planned and though it was July and 100 degrees, that goof (<3)  wore the sweatshirt with the camp logo on it that I bought him all the way home But he got what he wanted – me! We were married 6 weeks later and will soon be celebrating year 10 of marriage.
Moral of the story? If you want it, you will do what it takes.

What is something in your life that feels impossible but you really, really desire?blog pic

I am practically positive that if I asked my husband right now what gave him the motivation to drive all the way to see me, when I left Virginia as his friend, he would tell me that he wanted that kiss LOL. But how was that motivation strong enough? As a counselor who loves CBT and Motivational Therapy, I am going to offer a few quick ways to motivate yourself to pursue your dreams.

  1. Believe you can. It ALL starts in the mind, my friend. It is said that motivation is like a shower, you need to do it daily. It is also an “inside job”- no one can do it for you.
  2. Envision it. This does not have to be some weird type of yoga-meets-meditation kind of thing lol. It can literally be you, on the elliptical or folding laundry, picturing in detail what it would be like to have the thing you desire. Use your imagination! Engage all 5 senses when you’re in there! How would it feel when you have it? What would you be wearing the day you receive this thing? Who would be with you when it happened? How do you see it coming together? Where are you when it happens? What does it look like there? What are you smelling? What are your emotions when this happens? What would you say to people? What would they say to you? How would your significant other, children, friends, family, pets, career, home life, etc. be affected by this change? What would your closest friends say about this change? How would life be different from here on out? …you get the picture… spread out this dream on the canvas of your mind. Paint it, photograph it, write it, sing it- whatever works for you!
  3. Vision Boards. In today’s day and age, this could simply be a Pinterest board that puts pictures to your dreams. For example, I could make a Pinterest board called, “Jo’s Trip to Hawaii” and then post in there pictures of the ocean, waterfalls, the landscapes, hula dancing, hiking trails, people sitting on the beach drinking a cold lemonade, etc. Then whenever you need some extra inspiration to keep earning the money to get there, open up that board and envision yourself on the beaches of Hawaii!
  4. DECIDE. Yup. It’s that simple. Make the decision that you are going to go after it. No matter what. Then, don’t provide yourself any other options. When there is a tough day, don’t start thinking about and romanticizing the idea of quitting. NO. You made that decision for a reason, so those types of thoughts are NOT ALLOWED. Change the channel of your mind and get to envisioning your dream and opening up that Pinterest board!
  5. Write. Yes. Write your dream down. Then write your goals. When you are finished with that, write the steps you plan to take in order to reach this goal. Because a dream without action is just a wish. And we are not wishing- we are pursuing.
  6. Try, try again. It is very rare to succeed the first time you try something. In fact, it is so unheard of that people listen to these Unicorn Life Stories in awe. So maybe we’re not a unicorn. So what? Why not be like Thomas Edison who has over 1,000 patents that belong to him and had at least that many attempts to create the light bulb? This was no easy feat. He didn’t wake up one morning, walk out the door to the lab and go home that evening with his light bulb. Some things things don’t come easy. And because of that we can more fully appreciate them- because we know all our hard work and sacrifice involved! Our founding fathers of America had to leave their family for YEARS AT A TIME, missing out on seeing their children grow and snuggling their wives at night for their dream of freedom. Imagine if they stopped. Imagine if they were like, ah man, I thought when I got here I would be a unicorn but since I’m not… I’m staying home.
  7. JUST DO IT. 🙂 (I probably have to write that this is a Nike slogan, since I’m sure they patented those 3 words. 🙂 ) If you would like a free pdf showing you an easy and effective way to use aromatherapy for goal setting and motivation, simply send quick text to (540) 765-7881 that says “goals pdf” ❤ Bobbie-jo

Broken Trees Still Bloom?

Categories Enjoyment, Existential, family, Jesus, Life, natural, Pity party, Positive mental attitude, Psychology, roanoke, scripture, UncategorizedLeave a Comment on Broken Trees Still Bloom?

I live in the country. Like… The country. Let’s just say that overalls are normal here (no, I don’t own any- I’ve always had a splash of Hollywood in my veins😊) and we may or may not have some people in our county that use old comodes (aka toilets for the northern folks!) in the front yard with their house number proudly displayed on it.

It always makes me smile and shake my head just slightly in bemusement when I drive by but hey, if you’re ever in a pinch… 😂

I love the country- in fact, I am currently on my porch swing enjoying the rain. That was one of the things my dad and I had in common- we both liked sitting on the porch and listening to the rain. 💜

I also love being in nature and I try to make it an everyday practice that the kids and I go for a walk around our family mountain for outdoor time and physical health.

Something that has really been sticking out to me this past month on our walks is how many of our trees are almost completely snapped in half due to the strong winds- and yet there are beautiful flowers blooming on the broken side- and ONLY THE BROKEN SIDE! Rather astonishing, I think.

After our walk today, I grabbed my phone and headed back down to get a pic of a tree that has been on my mind. When I got to it,  it began to pour down rain but I did the best I could in the few seconds I had 🙂

There’s a life lesson in this. A MAJOR one. Have you figured it out yet?

Think about it. A tree limb. Snapped in half. Hanging by a literal thread of wood. But there it is, blooming and producing beautiful flowers. Meanwhile on the other side, the unbroken side, there is just branch- no new growth, no flowers. Is anyone picking up on this? Get my drift?

No matter what image people try to portray, I can tell you as one who studies the mind (and lives in one!) That no one has their life perfectly together- and that’s good- and normal! Because if we did have everything ‘perfect’, there would be no growth. It is the adversity, the suffering, the literal snapping in half of our lives where we are left hanging on my a mere thread that the growth happens. Because it is in those moments that we can either fall over, play possom and call it a day, or we can use these challenges to make something new and wonderful, overcoming the odds and choosing life over despair- no matter how dire the situation. Wow. Those are some big words. Some tough words. I am almost cringing as they come to me to write down. Because what I’m writing, what I’m suggesting, is hard. Hard. Hard.

But it’s worth it; to throw in the towel on the things in our lives that we think are broken and don’t have a chance is to deny our God-given capabilites, strength and resilence. No, we can’t undo a shattered tree limb. But God can. And sometimes it may be His plan to fix your situation for you and make things comfortable again for you. And other times, most of the time I think, He see our brokenness. He sees our tears, our torn limb and the mess we find ourselves in. And instead of turning away and ignoring our pitiful state of need and despair, He comes along side us and helps us grow beautiful flowers. He helps us bloom in the midst of our pain – maybe even because of it. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted (the broken limbed) and if you are willing to let Him, He will help you turn that obstacle, that stressor, that suffering into something beautiful. Something that can not only help you and your branch, but also inspire all who walk by, seeing your glorious flowers and thinking, how did THAT happen? ….I thought she was just a broken limb.

💜 Bobbie-jo

 

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Well Bless Her Heart…

Categories Balance, Career Mom, Corn bread, Daytime Blue Ridge, DIY, family, Mom Life, natural, New york, Pity party, Positive mental attitude, Psychology, self-care, Southern, Southern sayings, Tattoos, Tuesday's with Maurie, Uncategorized, wellness coachLeave a Comment on Well Bless Her Heart…

After 11 years living down South (12.5 if you count FL 😉), I  heard a new saying today and all I could think was “ain’t that the truth!” (Because I think Southern-Style in my head too …Except when I am really mad- suddenly I turn into a New Yorker again- really fast lol. 😳 😂)

Want to hear the saying? It was: “Have you ever listened to some folks for a minute and thought to yourself, ‘their corn bread ain’t done in the middle.'” For some reason after the past few months I’ve had, that struck me as pretty dang funny! 😊

I might just have to get that tattooed on my arm, amiright?! 😂 I’m thinking like a tattoo sleeve…. Some grits and cornbread – maybe some pinto beans wrapped around it, all fancy-like. 😂

Man if you don’t know me and you’re reading this right now, you have got to be thinking, what is wrong with this girl? Maybe HER cornbread isn’t done in the middle. So let me assure you, it’s done – I think I’m just a little crisp around the edges 😉

Life definitely has a way of causing us to feel a little cynical, sarcastic and sometimes just straight-up bitter, doesn’t it? I know I have my moments when I am just fed up! Get that cornbread away from me!!!

I am always reminded during rough days of the book/movie called Tuesday’s with Maurie. If you want an emotional, meaning of life movie, I defintely recommend it. In the movie, there is a moment where Maurie, a once fully self-sufficient college professor becomes so old and unable that he literally cannot move on his own. He is dying. And this “young buck” that he used to teach at college comes by to visit his favorite professor and he is SO angry about life and how could this be happening?!?! Maurie looks at him in a way that only people who have experienced life and THEN took time to examine their lives can, and he says, (paraphrasing) “Every day when I get up, I give myself 5 minutes to have all the pity I want. I whine, I grovel, I cry as I ask ‘Why me?’ But when those 5 minutes are passed, I say ‘Maurie, that’s self-pity and that’s enough of that. It’s time to move on and start your day.” And you see Maurie living life in a way-while even confined to his bed, a liquid diet, unable to use the bathroom on his own and knowing he is laying there to die-he is still constantly looking at the positive points of life- the good memories, the beautiful tree outside, the little things throughout the day….

Shew, what strength of mind that takes- to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps- everyday- whether we feel like it or not- whether the whole world is against us or not – and to move forward, only seeking out and focusing on the good in your life and not giving up. That skill is not something that just happens- Ooooh no. It is a day in, day out practice of shifting through your thoughts and pulling out the good ones and discarding the self-defeating ones…. That is something I am constantly working on and admire so very much in others… Persistance. Fortitude. Enjoying Life. Working hard. Looking for the good. Positive attitude. Never giving up. Going after their dreams regardless of the odds not being in their favor.

Last night I felt like throwing corn bread and burning those biscuits (another Southern saying) because life can be hard! Today I picked myself up by the bootstraps (or leggings, really) and reminded myself that no one can live my life for me. I can hold myself back or I can move forward. I can get bitter or I can get better. I can have a lifetime pity party about all the unfairness; I can complain about the hand I was dealt until the day I die OR I can move on and look for the next opportunity, the next blessing.

Guess which one I’m choosing?

How about you?